Remember this and never forget it.  Even if it should seem at times that everything is collapsing, nothing is collapsing at all, because God doesn’t lose battles.  –St. Josemaria Escriva

For those who don’t know me personally, I’ll let you in on a little secret.  When I begin a sentence with “Correct me if I’m wrong…” then one ought to understand with painstaking clarity that NO CONTINGENCY exists where choosing to do so would be remotely suitable.  I utterly lack patience and am inherently stubborn.  Only when prudence has been forsaken entirely will I open with “Correct me if I’m wrong.” For the love of all things holy, don’t step in that landmine, people.  I’m snarkier than your average bear when provoked.  It’s not something I’m particularly proud about, and I’ve been reflecting on this and some of my other lesser qualities of late.  I wonder how can God use someone so impertinent as me at this moment in the history of the world?  Why did He place me here right now?

Near the beginning of the ensuing insanity of 2020, I cleaned out my office.  One of the treasures I uncovered was this picture of my three sweet boys, in much earlier (and simpler) times, sucking on popsicles on the front step of our house on Garden Gate Way.  The baseball player on the left was then a second grader, Z was 2, and that means Drew was 6.  I found a little magnetic sleeve in a drawer, and I placed the photo on my fridge.  The photo made me feel gratitude for the greatest blessings in my life, and interiorly, I somehow knew I would need that reminder in my line of sight for a while. 

Good grief!  How right was I about that?

Despite my many flaws, I consider myself to be an empathetic, compassionate and kind person.  I’m a good listener too, and these things I think are inherently pro-life attributes gifted to me for the glory of the Lord.  I often text or ask “hey, how are you holding up?” In a broken world, meeting people where they are, caring to wait for their reply, it can heal others.  Being other-focused can bind up our own wounds too.

Adversity isn’t going to depart from our lives.  It may recede for a time or advance in unrelenting fashion like it has in 2020, but I don’t know many folks who have escaped challenge over the long term as human beings living on planet earth.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give it to you.  Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.”  (Jn 14:27)

Someone kind of holy sent me that lovely little bit of scripture and I am going to be honest.  My worries were a mile deep that day and it brought on some fairly serious eye-rolling and an interior rejection.  Oh how helpful. That’s super easy.  NOT.

I sank deeper.  And THEN, I got sort of irritated with Jesus and His admonition.  Talking to me about peace when dad had a heart attack he can’t seem to recover from? Mom’s in pain that can’t be relieved for at least 3 months? The father-in-law has stage 4 colon cancer? Multiple friends I adore are in serious marriage trouble? There are folks around me battling addiction, depression, cancer, stroke? The local church is in crisis, in case you haven’t noticed, Lord! What about that? And what about that mile-long list of people who have asked for my prayers? What exactly are you planning to do about those folks??

Sometimes, my best and most honest prayers are essentially silent, exasperated movements of the heart directed with not a small amount of “drama queen” angst to the God of the universe.

That meltdown, along with one similarly angsty sent to an actual (faith-filled) human, were just what the doctor ordered.  I felt better after venting, and grace reminded me that I must have extraordinary value in the eyes of God if Love itself gave Himself for me.  The price of my salvation was the cross of Christ.  I need to quit letting myself get distracted and let it sink deeply into my heart that following Jesus means life is likely to be tricky at best.

So, I’ve been praying about how can I add sunshine to the muck? How can I accept responsibility for my actions now and in the future instead of getting caught up trying to fix blame for wrongs? How can I focus on kindness instead of dipping my toe into the very toxic discourse all around me?

I think the answer is love.  We need to understand that people have bad days.  People are lonely and isolated.  People are limited and they are carrying something.  Daring people to “correct me if I’m wrong” with the fiery eyes of satan is probably not the best next move.  There’s not one eyeball I could meet with my glance who isn’t equally loved by God.  So, now I’ve got that popsicle picture on both my phone and my fridge.  It helps me stop and breathe and remember the almost deranged, irrational love God has shown me in these 49 years on planet earth.  You all?  God is a cuckoo psychopath to rain grace on me like He has.  I mean…I can stomp in puddles, take in sunsets, walk on the monon trail, and hold the hands of my guys during the Our Father at mass.  Those sticky, popsicle eating cuties are nearly grown now, and seeing their much older, hairy, unshaven faces still fills my heart with such joy.  The list of blessings bestowed on me is miles long.  Guess what?  Yours is too.

The point I am trying to make today is that I can’t fix FOX News or CNN, and I doubt my B in Biology at Purdue is enough to help anyone solve the coronavirus.  However, I can share a coffee with a friend who needs to exhale. Also, its simple to skip the complaint.  I can listen without interjecting, and I can affirm generously.  Supporting, forgiving and enjoying the people around me is not so hard. Love is about serving the next guy, and in that act, I think I say yes to God, to whom I owe endless gratitude.

So, I propose we remain steadfast in prayer, and we each take responsibility today to find a way to serve others with love.  Both of these things will help us, and the world, to become less hard hearted and more loving.  I’m not going to overthink it. In fact, right now, I think I’ll go make strawberry shortcake for my fellas.  A special treat might give them a smile.

“To be able to say yes to God at every moment of our lives is the essence of holiness.” –Mother Angelica

Tom called me into his office and said, “Here. I want you to sit in my seat a minute. I will be right back.” I was thinking, “Ok…?” So, I began gazing around the room (formerly known as MY office) and glancing at his multiple computer screens, wondering why I was sitting there.

Bounding back in, he exclaimed indignantly, “Well, did you feel the whole house shake!?” I replied, “Umm, no? What are you talking about?”

“I just went outside like you do and slammed the door shut to demonstrate how freaking annoying it is! It’s been 3 months working from home and I thought I could deal with it, but I just can’t take it anymore!”

Cue the inappropriate laughter. I mean, you all, I was doubled over and cackling, because I was utterly oblivious as he tried so hard to demonstrate how thoughtless and irritating I am. I just didn’t notice. I was completely unaware.

Actually, I think my laughter diffused the whole thing. He smirked against his will and gave me a little love tap on the derriere before telling me to get the hell out… while shaking his head. It was actually incredibly funny. There wasn’t any escalation, and that’s the magic of love.

Afterward, I went outside to rebound while Z got up a few jump shots. I asked Zach if I have a door-slamming thing. He said, “YES! Mom, you are actually the worst!”

HAHAHA! Who knew? Apparently, everyone but me. Okay then, now that I know, I can work on that. Once again, I affirm that although I am certainly the daughter of the Most High God, I am also Shelly, which means I am unambiguously limited.

Without a doubt, the repeated door slamming was both anger-inducing and thoughtless. We’re in month four of COVID (working from home) world, and the unrelenting lack of professionalism by Tom’s current “co-workers” might be starting to get to him. Also, though, it was a series of acts committed utterly without malice. Is there a need to amend my behavior? Yes. Am I now a door slammer in recovery? Well, the jury is still out. I would contend that my poor behavior has improved as exit percentages go, but I’m pretty sure Tom only remembers the times I slide back into old habits. Do you think it makes it any better that I usually cringe on the other side of the door when I realize I’ve done it again? Eh…likely not.

This is far from the first time that our lack of temperamental compatibility has caused an impasse. Placing my mouthwash bottle on Tom’s side of the bathroom counter and the crunching sound I make when chewing my lifesaver mints instead of sucking on them are also frequent decorum violations to which I’m prone. You guys, I have these lesser parts which abound. The thing that makes this and all relationships work despite the character and behavior flaws as well as the disagreements over matters both miniscule and boulder-sized… is the presence of love. What also helps me when I screw up (or someone I live with is just flat bugging me) is that I know in the light of eternity, there is precious little for which it is worth losing my peace. I’m a work in process with so much to improve, but I’m trying. This applies to things much bigger than door slamming and counter hogging, by the way.

I’m not everyone’s preferred flavor, and that’s just fine. I admit that I am a person who entertains her feelings a little too much, so sometimes I’m wounded by this reality. That can end badly if I let it. Satan loves the kind of rejection that frightens us into the belief that God doesn’t love us, or He doesn’t have a good plan for us. This is a corrupting, hopeless lie. If you find you need to find the escape hatch from the darkness, pray this quick prayer to stop the king of lies. Jesus, tell me You love me until I believe you.

I have learned to choose differently, and so can you. I find that when our hearts are cracked open a touch, we leave that vulnerable, glorious space for Jesus to sneak in. If He, who is love itself, finds a welcome space, we soon find ourselves participating in the divine life, despite our shortcomings, fears, and limitations. He has loved us anyway, restless hearts and all.

Our souls are ordered to the love of the God who made us, so a sniff of His overwhelming grace and mercy begs for a response. For me, it makes me want to speak life. I want to inspire hope and be the reason someone believes in goodness. Some other great folks have done the same for me, and I’d like to pay it forward.

As dangerous as it might feel in the environment we are surrounded by today, I propose we try loving others with abandon, despite their flaws or our own. Right now, the world is telling us that hope is a waste of time and our enemies have us trapped on all sides. I read this old quote by CS Lewis which demonstrates the danger of this line of thinking quite succinctly.

“Suppose that one reads a story of filthy atrocities in the paper. Then, suppose that something turns up suggesting that the story might not be quite true, or not quite so bad as it was made out. Is one’s first feeling ‘Thank God, even they aren’t quite so bad as that,’ or is it a feeling of disappointment, and even a determination to cling to the first story for sheer pleasure of thinking your enemies are as bad as possible? If it is the second, then it is, I am afraid, the first step in a process which, if followed to the end, will make us into devils. You see, one is beginning to wish that black was a little blacker. If we give that wish its head, later on we shall wish to see grey as black, and then finally to see white itself as black. Finally we shall insist on seeing everything– God and our friends and ourselves included– as bad, and not able to stop doing it; we shall be fixed forever in a universe of pure hatred.” (CS Lewis)

Deep goodness and beauty exists in each and every one of us. Heroic virtue is what we need right now. First, we’ve got to maintain mercy towards ourselves, then we need to let it spread to those around us– especially when we think they might not deserve it.

Admittedly, I am just a housewife here but the acrimony is easy to spot and fury seems to be dialed to high out there right now. There are a plethora of influential and powerful folks making a lot of bothersome and provoking noise right now. However, as far as I can tell, Jesus was not into big shots. He wasn’t into strict adherence to rules that lack compassion or common sense. He was more into speaking life, tending to the least, and most of all Jesus was into sacrificial love. From what I’ve read, He was really, really into that. I want to be like that guy a little more. So, I pray a lot.

“You go to pray; to become a bonfire, a living flame, giving light and heat.” (St. Josemaria Escriva)

That means I’ve got to die to myself and love EVERYONE foolishly. I’ll start with you. You are deeply and powerfully loved by the God of the universe, in whose image you are made, even if you slam doors and irritate your family. When you look in the mirror, see the good. You are enough. If you need me to pray for you in your current struggle, say so. I’ve got a list, and I’d be honored to put your name on it.

I’ll leave you with this golden nugget from a holy priest named Msgr. Laughlin. He said when we weren’t sure if we were getting it right, we should try to order our lives as much as possible to love like Christ, knowing of course that we will fall well short. However, also he suggested we pay no attention to the devil when we fail, but instead remember the last four things: death, judgement, heaven and hell. While we don’t want to be presumptuous, it’s equally important to understand that our judge loves us so much He died for us.